Prayer

I used to have tremendous faith in prayer. One day, I read in First Nephi where Lehi describes the vision of the tree of life to his sons. I read that Nephi wanted to see the vision, and he had faith to pray to see the vision. Nephi then saw the vision. I was so inspired by this and thought, "Gosh! I know that God answers prayers. Nephi did it. So, I can do it." So, I prayed to see the vision of the tree of life. I went to bed with full assurance that God would give me the vision. I woke up the next morning disappointed that I didn't see the vision. I was troubled that I didn't have the faith necessary to produce the vision, but knew that couldn't have been it since I felt like I was following all the commandments.

Later on, when I was in the MTC, there was a TV in the big auditorium that was out. I felt like I didn't get as much from the discussion since the TV was out and I left feeling discouraged since I didn't get the point of the discussion. I thought during the meeting, "I have faith. I can move mountains. I can certainly fix this TV." So, I prayed that God would fix the TV. It didn't happen. I know that God wants people to do things for themselves, but certainly, I couldn't have gotten up during that meeting, unmounted it, and tinkered around in the TV until it was fixed. Why is it better for the church to pay a repairman from its coffers to fix a TV, all the while, missionaries are not getting the maximum out of the discussion, than for God to just zap the TV and make it whole?

Lastly, on my mission, my trainer was going very fast on the bike, and I was right behind him. He went through a narrow pass in the bushes. I tried to follow behind him, but failed to pass through the bushes. I hit the bushes and fell, ripping my suit pants. I felt devastated since they were my favorite suit pants. I had only one other suit, and my first favorite suit would be unwearable with these pants ripped. I felt like I wouldn't be able to be as great a representative without the attire to go along with the job. I got back to our apartment and was devastated. However, I knew that God can work miracles. He's done many miracles in the past. I knew I was his faithful messenger. I felt like he should work miracles in my life. I prayed that he would mend my pants. I looked down and was disappointed that they were still not whole.

Over the course of my life, I find it very difficult to point to a time when God really has answered my prayers, despite me being true and faithful during those time periods. My companion and I would pray about what streets we should tract on. We would knock every door on the streets we felt impressed about, and nobody would hear our message. At one point, I had a companion that felt a deep urging to go to the house of a particular member. She wasn't home.

Why does not or has not God performed miracles in my life or answered prayers so that I can know that he really is there? Why can't God produce these explicit miracles in the life of a faithful follower that would undeniably confirm his existence, but also considerably bless the life of that follower (such as the vision of the tree of life)? If the answer is that prayer is merely meant to bring us closer to God and won't change his will and what he does on this Earth, then why are we taught to ask for things when we pray? I feel it get laborious to ask for spiritual blessings over and over again only to be denied those blessings.